The first beam of light is red and leads me to a room that has an emperor seated upon a throne. He is a strange looking man, adorned in an orange robe and a crown. I notice how long his fingers stretch out as they point towards me. Locusts hover in circles around his decorated head and occasionally one stops in mid flight as though tired from his efforts and lands on one of the emperor’s fingers.
I am showed two screens. On the left screen I see a beautiful landscape with the most intriguing coloured flowers that I have ever seen. There are trees that bend down to greet you as you enter their abode and there are rainbows that shine not just boldly but proudly in the sky. Such amazing beauty would bring a tear to the eye of even the most heartless soul.
Screen two shows a completely different picture altogether. There are men with heads of serpents standing each side of a doorway. They make it clear that they are to take away all the pleasant memories in my life and replace them with the feeling of hopelessness and misery. I am urged to return to the emperor and take to heart the advice of P and K, who up to this point I had forgotten about, for it was the emperor who had sent them to try and help me.
"Their help was refused, advice is not infinite. You made a choice to deceive yourself and believed that there was no help for a torn and misused heart."
Time lasts for what seems no longer than a split second and I am blinded by an avalanche of the purest white, which leads me to the second room.
The room is full of water which is moving in the opposite direction from the existing water around me. Sitting at the side of a small pool is a woman. The pool is home to a variety of coloured angelfish and red herring. Again the water inside the pool is swirling in the opposite direction from the water in the room. The priestess sits quite calmly as her attire floats freely in the sedating atmosphere. All seems so peaceful in the room. All the shouting is over and there are no longer people talking too loudly, they are all watching life in the drizzle somewhere else.
As I move towards her my heart starts to weep and I feel as though I understand everything perfectly for the first time. Although where my new understanding has arrived from is unknown to me. The priestess offers me a rose that looks so dark against her pale, porcelain like flesh. I take the offer with gratitude and smile as I feel there is no longer a need to be in her presence. I am refreshed and able to breathe life in again, for a while at least.
A brown light leads me to the third room. This room seems to give me a sense of comfort, the secure feeling similar to that of remembering a lullaby. The same comfort you feel when you listen to the familiar humming in your ear that you class as protection from all the things hidden in life that you are not supposed to be attuned or subjected to.
As soon as I walk through the door I find myself stood opposite an elderly woman who looks as though she is tired from carrying such a great amount of knowledge from the world. She rocks to and fro in an old brown rocking chair that is sat beside a fireplace and yet there is no burning fire to keep her warm.
A clock keeps time on the mantelpiece and still manages to keep its attentive rhythm as I kneel beside the old woman and take her frail hand in mine in an attempt to show her that I mean her no harm. Her skin is paper like to the touch. No sooner am I looking into the eyes of a person that has seen years more of existence than me, I notice that the clock is ticking anti clockwise and as the hand strikes twelve I find myself floating backwards out of the room. I feel as if I am regressing into a time that until this point has not been unlocked, like the summer must feel when the first breath of autumn air chills her at the highest point of life. There seems to be some sort of therapy rattling my bones and I am still in denial towards it.
Room four is shown to me by the colour green and as I walk through the door a familiar sounding robin sings a high pitched chatter to me. I feel honoured to be invited into his world and enter with a light heart and a feeling of ease. All confusion that I had seems to have been left behind in the room with the old lady. She gladly accepted the heavy burdensome weight and as I look at the robin I know that she is nursing the problems that I have left trustingly upon her knees.
The robin sings louder still and entices me to move further forward to see his home. Surrounding him there is a field of poppies that camouflage his red breast well and I lose him from my sight. All I can hear is his sweet melody floating in the air. In the far distance there is an old oak tree that stands as tall as a mountain. I watch the robin as he finds a branch that he is at home with and settles for a moment. He is quite alone and this I feel is a lesson that I am to take particular note of. That the robin seems so content with solitude gives my heart a glimmer of hope that I may one day be as strong as he is.
Clouds move as if in fast forward motion in the sky, then they break and the brightest blue I have ever seen slows down to hover over the robin and his mountain friend. The poppies stand as tall as me and I lack the strength to go further into the room, so I stand and keep an entertained eye on the robin from a distance.
I can hear a groaning behind me and when I turn around another door has opened. Black is the sombre colour that has made an impression in room five.
"Picture yourself in a perfect world. Picture yourself in the perfect dream. Do you still think that there is a chance you could be a part of that dream? It is time to open your eyes.”
"There is a pattern to my mania and one day the ignorance we have held onto until our arms are numb will disintegrate and closed minds and eyes shall open. Then the lady in the portrait will never appear aged. The tide will never wash away the sand. We will simply challenge it and accept it. We will swallow it and most of all savour the chance of being part of that dream."
There are two statues as tall as the sky that are keeping each other company in the corner of this room. The sky is tainted by the pink glow of the sunset. The iron twins moan loudly as the colour of the sky turns to orange. Each structure has a triangular shaped body. They have coils for arms that hang down towards their feet. There are three on each side. Six arms are obviously better than two. Their heads are the blades that slice heavily through the air. The only way that I can see of disabling these two creatures of threatening power into an image that is not intimidating is to cut them into segments and separate their parts to different places in the world.
“The robots have one eye open and one eye closed and they only see half of the war.”
I am glad to have the instinct to leave room five and I feel tired from the shadows that have hung over me in the darkness. There are two more rooms that I can see clearly now. Yellow directs me to room six where I find nothing but a puddle of mud. There is also a picture frame that is scattered in several pieces around the puddle that casts no reflection. The only lesson that I seem to feel from this room is that I will never find a way of rearranging all the pieces back together again. The cure is still out of reach.
"If this is to be the shape of things to come then I want it to be a prism with porous walls that absorb every colour of the rainbow and reflect many more. I want to have the freedom to fly as the eagle flies with wings as strong as steel. I wish to soar cliff tops with skill and painless precision. To escape the untamed rapids that circle around my heavy heart. I yearn to be like the swift who steals the weightless wind beneath his wings. I long to take one certainty with me to lay to rest all other uncertainties, to not be cast from blue skies to grey, for I am still trapped in a world where the repetitive actions of the machines make the curious afraid to tread on precious stones of wisdom and afraid to roll the dice incase they dance in the opposite direction. I am still afraid of the serpents that sleep in the spring grass and the ravens that recall their last trance, where all was seen and all was heard but none of their advice was explored. I want to dance on fire and know that the flames are completely extinguished. This is a pleasing thought to me but one of wishful thinking. Destiny has designed distractions for those without a focused attention and can arrange an army of intense intention."
Room six is shined on by indigo. A nagging, apprehensive feeling makes me uneasy to enter this room. It is long and has three stages. Hands made of ice jut out of the walls and their touch places pimples on my flesh as I move forwards.
There are people holding hands in a circle before me. My heart is sobbing with realisation and my cries are choking me. The faces that I have known and loved are wearing smiles. I feel as though there is nothing left to hold on. All is clear and yet at the same time there is still the fear that I am holding onto the invisible thread that I find so hard to class as dead. As long as I have hold of it I know that I can go back.
I kneel down so that I am looking upwards at them all and although I am shouting with laborious effort from my lungs, no words are leaving my lips. I know that this is the point I have to decide.
"There will be another time when I am strong enough to take hold of all your hands but until then I am no stronger than a feather blowing in the wind."
Powerful memories render my heart moved in surreal light and dazed, I enter another room with a blurred number eight upon its walls. Nothing more to see but an arrow in this room, leading to room number nine where there are only footprints to follow left in snow.
I follow these footprints with an edge of anxiety. Then I see the door. It leads to room ten. I have no more courage to enter the final room. Beyond that door I know the air is lighter than a feather. I know my guardian longs for me to tread there but if I do, I fear I shall not return.
A walk amongst the fragrant fields beyond this door would sever all ties and in my current state of mind, I am fretful to tread there.
Room ten shall have to keep its door closed, firmly locked. I dare not pass.
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